so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
