I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
