your room smells of hookers.
And success
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
