Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
