ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
