This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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