You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
