Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
