the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
