Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
