all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
