I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
