Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
