some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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