The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
