Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
