She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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