I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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