I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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