"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
