you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
