we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
