Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize