when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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