i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
