i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
