man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
