I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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