If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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