Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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