Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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