Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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