Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
