Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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