And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
