well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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