arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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