omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
