After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
