Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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