so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
