All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He has the fingertips of a God
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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