ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
