New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
