Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
