I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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