you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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