your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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