do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love having hate sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
