Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
