my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
