Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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