She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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