How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
