You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
