god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
