You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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