you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
