I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
