i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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