dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
