I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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