girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
