i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
