If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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