She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
