why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
